· Pregnancy · 3 min read
The Short Lived Happiness - Part 1
*Trigger Warning* Mentions of pregnancy loss
*TW Mentions of pregnancy loss*
We found out we were pregnant for the first time on a Sunday morning, my period was late so I took a test and was absolutely thrilled when it was positive! A friend and her daughter had come over to hang out that day and I was so awkward because I wanted to tell her but also didn’t want to tell people yet because it was still so new. But by that evening I had started spotting. I ended up calling the friend and telling her to see if this was normal or if I should be concerned and also subsequently apologized for being awkward earlier that day. I went to bed feeling a little apprehensive but sort of comforted by the fact that a little bleeding can be normal. The next morning I went to work and I told my boss because it can be incredibly hard to find someone to cover maternity leave as a dental hygienist. I was still spotting, but at least it hadn’t gotten worse. I made an appointment with the doctor anyway and luckily I had because the spotting turned into full on bleeding by the next day. I went to work pretty upset but was able to make it through the next couple of days until my appointment. By that point I was pretty sure I was going through a miscarriage but still had a tiny bit of hope left. That all was shattered while at the doctor’s office. The ultrasound showed nothing, not even a sac. The doctors were all very kind and reassured us that absolutely nothing I did caused it, most of the time there’s no known cause, but that didn’t stop the unwavering amount of guilt I felt.
We leaned on each other, trusted God with his plan for us and tried to be positive, hey - at least I knew I could get pregnant. It was that one silver lining that helped me push through. A verse that always stuck with me during this time was from Ecclesiastes 3:11, ‘He has made everything beautiful in its time..’. It gave me hope. A few months had gone by and we made peace with what had happened, of course we were sad, but we were moving forward. We had sold our first home together and bought a new house with plans to grow into it. The day we were moving into our new house was the day we found out we were expecting, again!
To be continued..
XOXO, mischief managing momma
