Cling To What Is Good In The Busy Seasons Of Life

Today is one of those days where things actually feel like they’re going well and I feel accomplished as a parent, but if you would’ve asked me yesterday? Completely different story. And I suppose that’s just motherhood or parenthood in general. Yesterday it was so humid out and I asked them to help with some physical labor, which is not the preferred activity, so of course there was plenty of whining. And being hot and sticky, we all lost our patience with one another pretty quickly. And you know that feeling as a parent of just: ugh, I don’t love how that interaction went, I feel defeated because they don’t listen and aren’t being kind or helpful to one another - am I screwing them up?! Today, everyone is doing much better - although the kindness aspect to each other could always use some work. But as always our little ray of sunshine, Miss Red, provides us all with entertainment. She is crawling around everywhere, shrieking and yelling, giggling, and overall just so much fun to be around. This age of exploration is one of my favorites and I just want it to last forever. 

We’re still working our way through our school work because, well - life. The month of June just completely flew by and we barely completed any school work because we just had so many things going on, but that’s okay because that’s the beauty of homeschooling. Being flexible and working for us, not against us and our schedules. I always intend to go through the summer anyway to allow for us to take breaks as needed for: illness, holidays, mental health breaks for either myself or the kids - and even the days I just can’t seem to make it fit into our day (and I know that seems silly, but I promise you they’re learning all day long - even if it’s not ‘curriculum’). So this morning we got back into the swing of things, with only mild whining and uncooperation from Mr. Blue (how dare I make him read! 🙄🙈). BUT we were finished with school by 9:30 and now have the whole day ahead of us to play. School is always much easier to get done when we get it completed in the morning, but when most activities and such are in the morning it then is a drag trying to find a way to fit it into our afternoon when the kids would rather do literally anything else. And in the summer it is infinitely harder because playing outside always seems like the better choice. Well actually any season when the weather is nice makes it harder, but you know what I’m getting at. I finished curriculum with Mr. Orange a while ago and have just been doing some odds and ends things this summer to keep him fresh, but still working through with Mr. Blue with the hope of finishing up this month. I have also been doing some odds and ends with Mr. Green in preparation for him starting some lessons this fall. He always says he wants to do school, but once it’s something he ‘has’ to do - we’ll see if that sentiment remains. Once I finish up Mr. Blue’s book work I will then take the month of August off from everything for them to have a true break before we get back into it after Labor Day, and for me to get the next year’s stuff all prepped, printed, and gathered. I will be teaching all 3 boys this coming school year and that’s just mind blowing to me, and also a little daunting, to figure out how to manage another one to teach amidst all the extra curricular schedules and with a baby who is currently crawling all over and getting into absolutely everything she can 🥴 phew, just thinking about it has my brain feeling all scrambled. 

This summer we got a pool pass to a local pool and have now almost become pool rats. But it’s so fun to watch the boys play with one another and be more confident in their swimming skills. Miss Red is also becoming quite the water baby and loves to shriek and yell while lounging in her floaty. And as for me, it isn’t as stressful as I thought it would be, and is a nice break from the heat and humidity. We’ve had some crazy storms this summer and have already lost few trees to the crazy wind - and I’ll be honest that part of living on an acreage is quite an adjustment. Two of the trees we lost were fruit trees and I am still extremely sad about it. I had all sorts of plans for all those apples. But thankfully we haven’t had any damage to vehicles or our house and we have been safe, that’s what matters the most. The older boys have had a few camps that they have enjoyed going to, and I have enjoyed getting some quality time with Mr. Green and Miss Red on those mornings. Amidst all the busyness of this summer so far Nic and I finally decided it was time to have a chat with Mr. Blue that was a long time coming - but we felt he was ready for it. We sat him down, just him, Nic and I, and told him he has autism. Prior to this conversation we have always had an open communication and ongoing conversation about how his brain is wired differently. We’ve told him about the sensory processing differences, the pathological demand avoidance aspect, and how some of the challenges he faces daily are a result of his nervous system. This conversation was more so to further give an identity to why he does certain things and feels the way he does and to specifically name it as autism. I personally had been feeling quite a bit of guilt about not having done it after having him evaluated almost 2 years ago, and I know he’s heard me talk about it with other adults. But the reason we held off is because we were just in such a hard space with him that we didn’t feel he was personally in a place to hear it, let alone try to come to terms with it. Then life happened and there were a lot of changes, so it still didn’t seem to be the right time. But now we feel he has matured a bit, and is in a somewhat better space mentally that he could receive it and take the time to process it all. To be honest, I’m more mad at myself because I think I talked too much. I had every intention of being succinct and to the point, but it was like word vomit. I think I over explained because I was worried I wasn’t making sense, and hopefully didn’t just confuse him further. He didn’t really ask any questions so we just left it and figured we would give him a few days to process and then check in with him. The main point we wanted to emphasize to him without putting any negative terms in his head, was that there’s nothing wrong with him (we didn’t use those words exactly) God made him exactly who he is for a reason - he’s not worse than anyone else or better than anyone else, just different - and God doesn’t make mistakes. But we also wanted to hold space for the differences that do make life harder for him in ways his peers won’t experience but that’s why we are with him through it all and give him different tools to hopefully help him in the challenging moments. Overall, I’m thankful that we finally had the conversation and can continue to help him understand himself. Afterwards we watched the first Harry Potter movie with him since he has been listening to it as an audiobook and has really enjoyed it. We figured it would be a good time to introduce it and let him enjoy some quality solo time with both Nic and I - something that very rarely happens.

I recently finished a short devotional on parenting kids with autism and the quote that convicted me the most was that I don’t need to fix him, God has just called me to love him. And oof if that wasn’t exactly what I needed to hear but yet also put me in my place. He gets enough criticism in the day to day from himself and outside sources, what he needs isn’t a fix but love. And honestly, don’t we all. From Romans 12:9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. That verse is something we all need to remember and can be applied to almost everything in life. Love others and always choose what is good. Lastly, the other thing I gleaned was to G.R.O.W. in this journey. 

G-Grieve-Take time to grieve over the ideas and plans I had for my child. 

R-Repent- Repent for the times I’ve compared him to others or felt that they weren’t good enough.

O-Observe- Observe the beauty, talent, and gifts that he possesses.

W-Will- Learning to let go of my will to embrace God’s Will. 

And that was another thing I absolutely needed to take in. Not just today, but something I will need to actively work on every single day. I’m working hard on myself so I can be the best version of myself for ALL of my kids, no matter the challenges they each face. 

xoxo, mischief managing momma

Oldest Boy (1)- Mr. Blue (age 8)

Middle Boy (2) - Mr. Orange (age 5)

Youngest Boy (3) - Mr. Green (age 3)

Baby Girl (4) - Miss Red (under 1)