A Summer Full of Everything

(This post is going to seem a bit jumbled as I try to fit in a lot of life into one post without being too wordy - but still wanted to convey the highs and lows and all that was being experienced during this season of our lives.)

The weeks following all of us being home and settling back in after Mr. Green’s surgery proved to be - stressful. Not only were we having to be extra careful with Mr. Green: he couldn’t be picked up underneath his arms for 6 weeks - we had to scoop him up under his head/neck and butt/legs, we also had to make sure the older boys were gentle around him, we were watching his incision closely to be sure no signs of infection presented themselves, we had to be careful to avoid his chest area while bathing for a few weeks, and no direct sun exposure to his chest.

And while mentally keeping track of all of that, we were really really struggling with what we like to call the ‘emotional fallout’ of Mr. Blue. Both of the boys did amazing while with the grandparents in their time away from us during Mr. Green’s surgery and the unexpected extra time before when Mr. Orange got sick. But Mr. Blue is extremely good at masking while with others, and then once he’s back with us, the mask is gone and all the pent up emotions -especially from the prior 11 days) come out in full force. There was lots of challenging behavior, a lot of anxiety about anything and everything, and A LOT of whining and meltdowns. Meanwhile, Mr. Green had tried to roll over immediately after coming home from the hospital, which was amazing, but I think the pain meds were still in his system. So, the next time he tried we think it caused him quite a bit of pain and it took a long time for him to try again. 4 months is when the older two started rolling and given he had just had a major surgery we weren’t really surprised that this was a milestone that might be met a bit later. We just continued to watch and support his tries until he was ready. And as for me, while I was still technically postpartum, looking back at pictures from around the time of Mr. Green’s surgery and that summer - the stress of all that we were going through was evident on my body. I was much heavier than I even remember being at the time.

We had another period of isolation following Mr. Green’s surgery so we had to postpone the birthday celebration for Mr. Blue. But at the end of June we were finally able to be with others and celebrate Mr. Blue’s 5th birthday. After feeling like much of the year we were in isolation, it felt so wonderful to finally be free to have people over and see people on a consistent basis - and what better way to kick it off than with a birthday party!

For the rest of the summer it was spent keeping Mr. Green safe and healthy and trying to regulate Mr. Blue. We suspect he was in burnout - which is a common occurrence with neurodivergent individuals when it all becomes too much. When a child is in burnout every challenging behavior/meltdown/mood/etc is even more intensified - the lows are even lower and the excitability seems almost manic. To keep everyone busy and to try to keep the dopamine flowing, we were out and about as often as possible: walks, parks, water play, science center visits, zoo visits, library visits, play dates, fairs, anything we could to stay busy.

Mr. Blue tried vacation bible school for the first time that summer and also gymnastics. VBS proved to be a bit tricky, but fortunately they have a great program for individuals with special needs that provided him with a 1 on 1 buddy for whenever he felt overwhelmed or anxious - and he ended up having a great time. Gymnastics was a whole other beast - while he loved the activity, staying focused and doing what was asked was proving to be a big challenge. Nic ended up having to be the one to take him after a while because he did much better when I wasn’t there. But as with most things he wants to do, we had to pull him because it became too much and we couldn’t even get him in the door to go after awhile. He lasted about 6 months, which is much longer than anything else we’ve tried.

Organized sports and activities just might not be for him, but we always want to give him the opportunities to try the things he’s interested in.

We ultimately decided to start our schooling a bit earlier than I had originally planned just due to Mr. Blue needing to have some sort of routine to expect and he was also asking to learn.

We still continued doing park visits, walks, play dates and other activities but usually our days started with school and had other times of learning sprinkled in. And soon enough it was time to celebrate Mr. Orange with a special golden birthday party! It’s so fun to see the family and friends that come to love on your kids for their special days.

Since it had been such a tough year, I needed to find something for myself that had nothing to do with the kids. Something I could do while they played or after they went to bed - so I started making bracelets. And I didn’t make them to sell or anything like that, but just to use the creative part of my brain and enjoy something different. I made them for friends and family, with anything they wanted on it; kids initials, birthstone colors, inspirational words/phrases/bible verses. It gave me a lot of joy to create and do something for others as a just for fun type of thing. (unfortunately I lost steam and this new hobby didn’t last too long. I felt like I had lost my creativity or maybe it was just my brain’s way of saying I don’t have space for this right now.) Fall was when Mr. Green was really hitting all those milestones that he was just a bit behind on: by this time he had officially mastered rolling, he was planking and working on crawling, he was finally sitting up unsupported and was able to have solid foods. He might have been a bit delayed on some of the milestones but once he started hitting them again, there was no stopping him.

We were able to have a couple family vacations: we did a staycation with my family which was nice and relaxing to be all together but not have to drive far - and with Nic’s family we went to Minnesota and were able to fit a lot in to that trip which was nice for all of us after a rough year.

That fall we started to have Mr. Blue and Mr. Orange go to counseling. We were still majorly struggling with Mr. Blue’s behavior and Mr. Orange was being less than kind to Mr. Green. Above all, we wanted to make sure that they weren’t having any sort of resentment or PTSD or anything from being away from us and all that followed Mr. Green’s surgery - and if they were, that they were supported appropriately. Mr. Blue was becoming increasingly inflexible in play and was so rigid that it was affecting the other two negatively. So, we were hoping with some play therapy we could begin to address that and work to help that. (little did we know we were going about it entirely wrong, but more of that to come in the future.) We also began going to a weekly homeschool group where we bring a picnic lunch, the kids play, and then we have a circle time where there is some learning and an activity based on the theme that week. Then the kids continue to play or we go on a group hike depending on where the meet up is located. We have gone to a lot of cool, new places with that group. Rain, snow or shine - they meet weekly, but sometimes indoors if the weather is too crazy. I have had a hard time finding where we ‘fit’ since beginning homeschooling and this group was great to find since the boys love to be outdoors and love all things nature.

Another new thing we added to our fall activities was the Superhero Heart Run in Des Moines. It’s ran by the Heart Heroes organization that is based in Omaha that was a huge support to us during our time in the hospital following Mr. Green’s surgery. The run serves as a fundraiser for the Heart Heroes and Help-A-Heart organizations. Since it was our first time participating and we were still pretty fresh from Mr. Green’s surgery - we invited all family and friends to come celebrate Mr. Green (and Nic) and help support these incredible organizations. It’s a 5k run/walk that you can do as much of or as little as you want, a couple family members ran the whole thing - and ended up taking 1st and 2nd place! It was such a beautiful day and we were so thankful for all the family and friends that joined us to support a cause so very near and dear to us.

We also had Mr. Green dedicated at church that fall, surrounded by our family and church family. Since trips were pretty few and far between for a while, we took a trip to my parents and did all the fall things: went to an apple orchard, played on the farm and celebrated my niece’s birthday. We were a little too late to be able to catch a combine ride with my cousin and uncle. To round out the busyness of fall - we come to thanksgiving week, my favorite. We went to the Festival of Trees and Lights, hosted Thanksgiving, and continued our tradition of going to Disney on Ice the day after Thanksgiving.